Hell's Flames, Heaven's Gates

The other night I had a nightmare. I remember waking to a sense of fear and hopelessness. Once I woke, and the initial shock had worn off, it caused to me to start thinking about Hell, of all things. Then I realized the sense of dread that I had felt in that same moment, is one that millions are experiencing every day (except on a much greater scale), once they hear the words, " I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers." (Matthew 7:23)

In an age of political correctness and tip toeing around sensitive issues, I believe my generation has become desensitized to the real issues at hand. Fact is, Hell is a real place, and there are people spending their eternity without God, because we REFUSED to speak up. We didn't want to step on anyone's toes, because, "What if I have to defend my faith." or "I might offend someone's beliefs." My least favorite one is when my generation has taken to the asinine idea that somehow living like the world will show them how cool Christianity is, and how little effort it takes to get to Heaven.

Wrong...guess what, in the world's view, it sucks to be a Christian. I mean who would really truly want to give up life's riches and ambitions to surrender it all and take on a nature that is totally contrary to the environment in which we have been raised? Yet in our attempt to be nonchalant about the whole topic, we aren't attracting anyone to Christ. In fact we might as well be pushing them closer to Hell.

Fast forward to the day you die and stand in front of God. You no longer have your Apple computer or Xbox 360 in front of you. All the hours spent on Facebook and in the gym working out have faded away. Your multiple sex partners aren't by your side. Cars, trivial theological arguments, and our self inflated pride completely melt. It's you and God. As He gazes on you, you stand in awe of His majesty. Its a moment of complete, peaceful bliss, where you stand with your Creator. Then all of sudden, it fearfully hits you. The realization of what He is about to ask is to much for you. With all stripped away, you are bare before Him. You realize that excuses won't work here. Then He asks the inevitable, "What did you do for me? How many did you rescue from the very grasps of Hell's flames? How many did you lead to My Gates?" You break down weeping because you finally come to the realization that what we thought was important, is secondary to the real issue.

I for one am guilty. I have passed by poor people who are in desperate need of help, in an attempt to get to Wal-Mart so I can buy extra food for myself. That's probably one life that has been lost. In my selfishness I passed up a need and a chance to forever change someone's life. Their blood is on my hands because I failed to act. How many people, within your sphere of influence, have you let slip away? Be aware, you are responsible for those you come into contact with. Be driven with the passion that sent Jesus to the cross.

If we claim to be Christians, yet deny the very essentials of becoming like Christ, how are we any different from those who aren't in Him? I pray this is a wake up call for those who read this, because I fear that many will have a rude awakening, when they are actually told,

" I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers."

The Story of a Lifetime

What I am about to share with you is a view into my past...a snapshot into a defining moment of my life, if you will.

I was youngster, at the tender age of ten. I had already accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Early on, my parents had instilled in me the importance of living a devoted life to Christ. As many of you know, it's not easy trying to live up to such standards. I'll admit I was a bit legalistic and ignorant of many things at the time...what else would you expect from a ten year old that just wanted to live according to the Bible.

Having grown up in a Christian environment, it was only a matter of time until I heard about the unpardonable sin. This is based on Mark 3:29, which says, "But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin." Now, for those who take the Bible in a literal manner, this causes a deep introspective look at one's life....I don't know, maybe it only happened to me. Aware that I was ignorant on the subject, I sought out advice from my dad. I'm sure he was surprised by the question. Think about it, what ten year old asks that kind of question any ways? In an effort to make it simple for me to understand, he said that the unpardonable sin, is basically calling Jesus "stupid."

I meditated on it for a couple of months. However, on a family trip to Panama City (actually in Panama...not that wannabe place in Florida:), things took a turn for the worse. As I mentioned before I was a bit legalistic in the sense that I wanted to make sure that I didn't do anything that would constitute as blaspheming the Holy Spirit. I thought, that if I would even think the thought "Jesus is stupid," that would automatically send me to hell. Anyways, we were staying in a hotel as we visited some of my mother's family in Panama. While in that hotel, I really do think there was some kind of demonic presence there. All of a sudden, during our stay, I became even more paranoid of trying not to think this particular thought. As the days wore on, the torture in my mind became even more intense. There was a war going on inside my head, and eventually I gave in, and thought the unthinkable.

One day, my family and I spent some time on the roof of the hotel, while waiting for the laundry to finish. As anxiousness continued to tear away at me, I confirmed with my dad (who was not aware of the battle going on in my mind) that Mark 3:29 did indeed refer to calling Jesus stupid. Confirming the already known, I separated myself from my family. I went to the part of the roof that overlooked the front of the hotel. As I did, the enemy, using my limited knowledge against me, began to fill my mind with thoughts that, at the time seemed rational. These thoughts were presented in the third person, but I eventually came to own them. Thoughts such as, "You might as well throw yourself off this building." "Whats the point of living? I'm going to hell anyways, so I might as well spare God, my parents, and myself the hassle of living any longer." "God hates me."

I began to pace the roof. I remember distinctly going to the right side of the building...there was another building there...I wouldn't be able to throw myself off there. So I went to the left side of the hotel...down below was an alley, however there were a bunch of dumpsters. I figured that I could easily throw myself off there, but I was afraid the dumpsters would break my fall and I would live. Finally, I came to the front of the hotel. There was nothing in my way! In fact, I could imagine what would happen after I threw myself off. I could see the headlines of the following day, "American boy throws himself off of a hotel in the middle of the City." As the attacks on my mind got worse, chaos and desperation ensued. I became more determined to end everything then and there. I can remember as if it were yesterday, my leg muscles tensed as I was bending so I could jump off. My mind was so clouded with the barrage of thoughts, I didn't sense any fear of jumping.

Just as I was about to climb on the ledge, there was a lone thought that crossed my mind. Like light at the end of a very dark tunnel, it said, "What if your wrong?" This stopped me for just a second. This thought was the needle that penetrated through all the chaos in my mind. It was as though it released medicine into my system. The thoughts that came after that were not thoughts of suicide and condemnation, they were thoughts of love and compassion. Even though the voice wasn't audible I knew it was God. The thoughts came one after another saying, "Stephen, I love you. I forgive you. You are mine and I have an amazing plan for your life." His words sent sweet relief all throughout my body. The agony that I experienced had subsided and I began to cry. Again I approached my parents and they could tell something was wrong. I told them that I had been worried that I had committed the unforgivable sin (I did not tell them until years later that I had actually thought about killing myself). Once we arrived home, a couple days later, my dad and I went out and he explained in greater detail what this specific verse reference was talking about.

You may ask why I would, on a public network, share such a personal story? I do realize that there will be people out there that may criticize and will claim to have all the theological and psychological answers as to what happened. I don't care. I do know one thing though, the message I received on the ledge of that hotel was not meant just for me. There are so many people out there living in sin, doing they want (teetering on the line of being indifferent), oblivious to the fact that God is trying to get their attention, or maybe your going through a really hard time in your life. Let my story be a lesson to you. God loves you so much and if you would only give yourself completely to Him, He would begin using you in ways that you could never imagine! If your reading this, It doesn't matter if your life is perfect at this point or if your in shambles right now. There is always one common denominator. God has you in the palms of His hands. Your life is precious to Him. Surrender everything you are, to truly gain all that He is.

Remember, we are all small and insignificant, however that doesn't stop a great, awesome, and more than capable God from using us.

Surrender completely.